well, darlings.

the trip to the nursing home was well. first you should read the email from my mother. it sums it up in a way

Hey Ron,

Elaine and I took our girls to visit with Dad today. It was actually kind of fun! There was a CMP (Certified Music Practitioner) there. She was playing the clarinet, and she had her therapy dogs with her, too. They were very friendly grey hounds! Dad was sleepy today, but he looked great! "Auntie" Katie was singing and dancing, and it was VERY interesting to watch the residents interact with each other. Sad and funny! Katie is still madly in love with Dad!!! We stayed for quite a long time. (almost 2 hours I think!) Then we went to Fridays for lunch, and the to the mall for some shopping. I've mailed you (snail mail) a request for reimbursement for lunch, gas and tolls. It was quite expensive for the 5 of us to have lunch at Fridays, so be sure to sit down when you open the envelope.....................

I don't think I am forgetting anything.

We had a nice visit.

Love,

CJN

yes mother, you are missing things. called DETAILS.

so yes. we did have a different visit this time.

seeing the residents interact was an experience. so sad. so well, lifeish.

me and my couisn, georgi. both have the same cynical sarcastic "lets leave" defense mechanism when it comes to that place. she would never admit it, but she is worse than i.

but yeah grampa did look good, for once.

hm. i wish i could just paste my memorys here.

like the rolly polly women with downsyndrome that is blind that came and walked hands out to the middle of the circle over to a man slunched down in his wheelchair. how she grabbed his hands and rested her head in his lap and he just patted her and smiled. i wanted to thank that old guy. dont know why, i just did.

and how "auntie kay" gets in everyboyds faces and talks of "frankie coming and bringing her to see mama in the nursing home" we all know she has no more mama.

and also how all the people seem to gravitate to grandpa. how he scowels and ignores everyone of them. expecially kaitie, who says things like "I love you tom, andyou love me, dont you" he shoots her hate stares and says "no" over and over very coldly, while she laughs and is oblivious to his tottal seriousness. i see myself in him. but i also see a bit of myself in katie. floating about not really careing about whats real and whats not. just as long as it makes me happy.

i looked around that room. at the circle. there were many old people. many head up looking at the ceiling snoring very loudly, spit glistening downt their chin. one women in the corner moving her hands to the clarinet like shes a conductor. one women. oh my. every time she coughed [which seemed to be forced] she would say "HEY HEY HEY" and then "WHEEEE" and by the time we were leaving she was saying very loudly to no one in particular "I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET. I NEED TO GO TO THE TOILET" next to her was what seemed to be a younger fat lady [but when your fat you dont get wrinkles so age is hard to define] in a nice lacy mumu that seemed to smile at me alot. i smiled back of course. then there was florence, she was attatched to her wheelchair, it was a special wheelchair, well not so special because most of the residents had one, but it was like a recliner and she had her legs up bent at the knees and when she tried to leave a buzzer would go off, she'd just smile and say "ok, thank you" to the clareinet lady.

i couldnt stop looking around that room and trying to search into their eyes, were they still in there? there was someone. some old and bitter [grampa] some just happy to still be alive [kaitie] and many in between. and many, just simply, there.

ok kids. lets take life for what it is right now. lets do everything we can while we can. and lets love as many people as we can. so there will always be someone to come and visit. always be someone to come and paint our nails when our own hand is too wobbely.

the clarenet told us storys of old people shes played to who had "transported" while she played. i thought that was an odd thing to brag about, but i guess, hey if you like clarenets, go for it! [sorry had to ask that last bit of sarcasm for protection]

then we went to a mall and went shopping. me and georgi got my mom to put on a push up bra [mom is horribly flat these days...dont know what happend there] she didnt buy it though. and i got two new bras. $5 each. good stuff right there.

so yes, all in all a wonderful visit.

and i will yes, miss those guys. alot.

tomorrow- packing

sunday- dye the hair black and green

15 days- get on a plane and kiss nathan for the first time. and start life.

Ali said it at 9:03 p.m..